My mother said...
I can't even say it out loud. My mother said the word...(whispering)..."rubbers." Just as I thought...it looks as horrifying typed out as it did when she texted me. She texted me, by the way, after the Word to Ya Mutha post. "I can't believe you wrote about me in the same post as Trojan...[me whispering again]...rubbers!" Only with her West Texas accent and gentility, I imagined how it actually would have sounded coming out of her mouth. "I can't believe you wrote about me in the same post as Trojan rubbas!" And she would have whispered the word, too.
Half horrified that my mother even knew what that meant and half almost peeing in my pants with laughter, I responded immediately. "Mom, NO ONE uses that word anymore. Unless you are a 12-year-old boy."
I was a high school sex ed. teacher for several years. It wasn't unusual to see teenagers emerging from my classroom wearing the "pregnancy belly" or carrying faux babies. In college, one of my favorite classes was a human sexuality class taught by a husband and wife therapy team. Maybe because it was the only husband and wife teaching team on campus...or maybe because it was THE most scandalous class Texas Tech and Lubbock, TX, had ever seen. I've also made a habit of surrounding myself with fabulous gay men. So I'd like to think there's not much I haven't seen or heard. But nothing prepares you for the day when you hear your mom say...(whispering)..."rubbers." It was only slightly less shocking than the time I made the tragic mistake, in my 4th grade ignorant bliss, of asking where babies come from. I consider it the day my Common Era calendar changed. There was BT and AT...Before Talk and After Talk.
You know your weight loss is beginning to show when people start asking if you've done something different with your hair. I've had about seven people ask me if I've done something different with my hair this week. I want to say "Yes, I've lost 20 pounds from my face" but opt for a smile and polite sing-song-y "No, nothing" instead.
OK...WHAT happened?!? I posted the Word to Ya Mutha post around midnight on Sunday. By 1:30 a.m., 300 people had read it. By close at the end of the day, over 600 people had logged in to read. Keep in mind, I've had some days when 80 or so people were reading my blog. Some 60-something days. Some days over 100...and even a couple in the low teens. But I've NEVER had 600-plus people reading in one day. And who is reading me in the wee hours of the night?!? Either my Macbook is lulling me into a false sense of security for our four year anniversary, I'm big with the vampire crowd (in which case, I'm still on the fence as to whether I'm Team Edward or Team Jacob), or people are reading from their living rooms in a VERY different time zone.
In any event, I took a photo (a grainy iPhone photo) to mark the momentous occasion. Take a look.
The first photo is a photo of my traffic overview page. Notice the number...606!!! (This was before the 629 end-of-day total). And the second photo is a bar graph, with the bar for that day's traffic peaking high above the previous days. It was a feeling I imagine the shoemaker must have felt when he awoke the next day to find the elves had magically finished all the shoes. I must have slept three hours that night, I was so excited. Overnight, my readership shot off the chart.
So...I am going to ask a BIG favor of you, beloved readers. I want to know where you're reading from...all 629 of you. If you're in Denmark, I want to know...because a) Oprah says you are the happiest people on Earth and b) you are the fount of the world's best techno. In Australia, because I'm convinced my future husband lives there. And everywhere else because I'm wildly curious and want to riddle you with a barrage of questions about your life and customs abroad. And here's the deal...I'm going to send a thank you gift to the person who responds and lives the farthest from Los Angeles, CA.
But wait...this doesn't mean you're off the hook if you live in California...or anywhere else in the 50 states. You're just as important to me...and it will be fun to know where YOU are reading from.
That means, if you are READING THESE WORDS, I am asking you to post in the comment section. I know I know, you resist. But por favor...it's simple. Just post your first name, your city, state and country. And then watch for the winner to be announced on le blog.
And before I close, I just have to say to each and everyone of you...the magical elves who made me feel like the shoemaker...THANK YOU for reading.
I am honored.
Friday, January 29, 2010 at 11:50PM
Reader Comments (24)
Hi! I'm in Ramstein-Miesenbach, Germany. I'm an American, though. I really enjoy reading your blog. :)
Amanda...you're in Germany?!? My two favorite things are in Germany...Birkenstocks and really good chocolate! And I hear it's super clean there, too. WOW...I'm FILLED with glee that you are reading in Germany. You cannot know how much. Please keep watching the blog...you may very well be the farthest away.
PS...I think we all want to know what took you to Germany. Are you there permanently, or just a while? Do you love it? The farthest I've traveled is Kara's apartment in Manhattan.
THANKS for being the first to post, friend! Look forward to talking more.
EJ,
I, of course, read from New York City! And I've told LOTS of people about your blog. Erin reads from KS. Debby reads from Maine. Nancy reads from Arkansas. Stacy reads from Oklahoma. I could go on and on...
Also, I think plenty of people are shy, for lack of a better word, online, so don't feel bad if you don't get lots of answers to this post. You saw with your own counter how many people read your blog! Let them be lurky-loos if that's how they feel comfortable!
Your pal,
Kara
I read from the building next door to your office.
Hi, I live in NJ. ot very exciting but only minutes from NYC...I am dying to visit LA! It is something I've been saying for over 20 years now, hopefully I'll get there soon..by the way I love your blog
:) Christie
Hi Jonezie - I'm on the eastern end of Long Island...so I'm probably the furthest away on the CONTINENTAL U.S.
I love your blog! Very funny :)
Chicago here. Enjoying your take on things. Btw. I've lost over 100 pounds and still get asked, wow did you get a haircut? To which I reply, I got them ALL cut.
Ppl mean well. Keep it up!
A BIG heartfelt thanks to ALL of you who posted!!! Seeing your posts...and knowing your names and where you're reading from...it connects us. I love that.
Christie...Besides driving through NJ to get to Philly, I've been to Jersey City...and I have a good friend from Nutley, NJ. (And I can't just say Nutley...it always has to be Nutley, New Jersey.) When you come to L.A., by the way, you have an automatic tour guide. Although...every sight-seeing tidbit goes through the filter of "But in Texas, they (fill in the blank)."
Laura...you may be the furthest away in the U.S.!!! PS...You know, my second favorite TV show, "Everybody Loves Raymond," is based in Long Island.
And JMR...LOL! From now on, everytime someone asks me if I've done something different, I'm going to reference it in the blog. And think of you. PS...I bow down to you for losing, and keeping off, 100 pounds. I'm bowing now.
Nothing BUT love to all of you!!!
I have seen some days when my blog jumped in numbers and it is a good feeling! I like to see that because it shows me what my reader are interested in. Enjoy those readers!
I just came across your blog today and as I read your last post about your mom and her phone and the red solo cups and being from west texas - I thought you were talking about my MIL! She's lost a phone and a nice camera by dropping them in her red cup of water. Hahaha! And my SIL's name is Kara.
I live in Indiana, about an hour away from Chicago. =)
Hello Rhett and Lala! I love that I have readers named Rhett and Lala! Rhett...you have a blog, too? I'd love to see it. I'm going to e-mail you at the address you gave...and please feel free to e-mail me at Jonezie127@gmail.com.
Lala...LOL! The ubiquitous red Solo cup...it must attract cell phones. SO glad you're reading!!! And look forward to talking more. PS...Is your MIL from West Texas, too? =)
I'm reading from Austin, so I get a lot of the Texas stuff. (And my boyfriend's from Lubbock, so I really get a lot of the West Texas stuff!) Thanks so much for your always funny take on this whole losing-weight-while-trying-to-respect-your-body-in-a-world-that-doesn't-always-feel-respectful thing! ;o)
Michelle...have you seen Whip It yet? It's based in Austin...and all about female empowerment. If not, I highly recommend it! So glad you are reading from my beloved home state!
Hey Jonezie...
It's CA calling. Still in LA and loving it (although the rain is making it a little narley). I love reading your post during lunch time. You keep me on the straight and narrow and remind me of why I'm having a big salad and maybe splurging with soup instead of going to McDonalds! I hope you keep the post alive and well even after you've lost the weight!
9 am here in Jersey where I'm reading your blog while eating a Weight Watchers Peanut Butter Cup Sundae for breakfast. OK, actually, it's my second one. Let's never mind that. Love the blog!
Cathy from Jersey? I work out with Cathe (Friedrich) from Jersey! What a small world!! Dessert for breakfast is GENIUS! Second only to pancakes for dinner. ;) I am filled with glee that you are reading!
I read from EAGLE ROCK and parts unknown...YEAH!!!
I'm reading you from the ends of the earth.....we like to call it Idaho. America's best kept secret. Anyway, very much enjoy your posts. At times I startle my dog with raucous laughter over your words. Keep on being your very charming/funny/real self. Cheers!
PS: I have a hair appointment in just a couple of weeks. I was "saving" it for motivation to lose. I've managed to lose but my hair is truly ghastly. Like up in a bun every day ghastly. I like your idea better. Why not look gorgeous AND lose? *smacks self in the forehead* What was I thinking????
I know this one is old but just so you know I read from my home office/bedroom/workout room, out in the country about 35 miles east of Sacramento.
Hey Elizabeth,
I reinstalled my OS and haven't completely imported my bookmarks until recently. Just now catching up with the blog, so this is a little late, but thought I'd still add my location. San Jose, CA!!