Hello. My name is Elizabeth. And I'm a chocoholic.
I mean, I WORSHIP it. I am not exaggerating when I say chocolate is like a member of my family. The favorite sibling you never have to buy a Christmas gift for, but who always gives you EXACTLY what you wanted (and in the prettiest packages). I can't remember the first time I was introduced to sugar, in all its sweet glory. But I do remember that there's NEVER been a time a) when I could control myself around it and b) when eating it didn't make me feel ashamed.
The summer before my 5th grade year, my family purchased property on a fishing resort. It included a motel, laundrymat, gift shop, cafe...and convenience store/bait and tackle shop. Candy, soft drinks, milk...and minnows. After spending half an hour commiserating with the minnows over there impending doom, I liked to peruse the candy aisle. On more than one occasion, I would come home with two or three candy bars and immediately run to my room to consume them before anyone knew. I vividly remember stuffing my Junior Mint boxes under the TV console in my bedroom so my grandmother wouldn't know how gluttonous I'd been. I think she found them a couple of years later when we moved away.
When I was 15, I was determined to lose weight and be thin for the first time in my life. Determined. Nothing sweet touched these lips for 10 months. Not even sugar-free gum. I remember making dozens of homemade chocolate chip cookies for my driver's ed instructor and not even licking the beater. PS...I lost ALL the weight...and then some. I weighed 105 pounds my sophomore year. Then, my first love's grandmother presented me with a store-bought birthday cake. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I ate one piece. And promised myself it would only be ONE piece. I still remember what flavor it was. Chocolate with vanilla buttercream frosting...the kind that makes your stomach feel like it's on a roller coaster. And it wasn't even that good. But it was chocolate. And that marked the day when I re-entered my love/hate relationship with sugar.
When I first started this project, I pledged to be sugar-free. And I was. Until Thanksgiving. And Christmas. So then I thought I would just have one "cheat" day a month. That worked for one month. Then it became one small package of M&M's a day. Which leads me to yesterday, which was one small package of M&M's followed by two bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios. Today, I had to stop myself from yelling "Get in my belly!" at the homemade cookies of an unsuspecting first grader.
I don't want to be one of the unfortunate relapsed you see on Intervention...or Clean House...or Biggest Loser. The one who NEVER gets it together. The one everyone's yelling at from their living room "For chrissakes, Elizabeth, look what you're doing to yourself!" I'm hoping to be more like Robert Downey, Jr., who finally exorcised his personal demons and is now better than freakin' ever.
So...I have started my own intervention. By ordering a book called The Sugar Addict's Total Recovery Program by Kathleen DesMaisons, PhD. After grad school, and Systems Theory, I was convinced I would never read again. But this book came highly recommended, so I decided to at least order it. It arrived yesterday. And unlike the other books on my shelf that sit there and look pretty, I couldn't put this one down. It was like Kathleen (we're already on a first name basis...in my head, at least) was READING my thoughts. Listen to this: "The sugar-sensitive person...feels like she died and went to heaven after a hot fudge sundae, while her friend simply thinks it tasted good. She devours a whole bag of chocolate chip cookies; her friend can eat one bite and leave the rest." It's true, Kathleen, it's true! One time, I almost made a cookie levitate and fly through the air towards my open trap using only my intensely focused mind.
I'm only halfway through...and Kathleen reminds me that it is a slow but steady one-step-at-a-time program (despite the fact that I want to do it now, right now!)...but I know she's going to get to the part where I say goodbye to chocolate forever. At this point, I can't imagine a life without it. Will I be like the jilted girlfriend who shows up on her ex-boyfriend's doorstep with one more desperate "can't we work it out" plea? (Not that I've done that) Or will I be the Hershey version of Robert Downey, Jr. and finally get my you-know-what together?
Stay tuned.
Thursday, February 4, 2010 at 05:36PM
Reader Comments (6)
Right next to you, friend. My knees hurt as I wordship at the alter of Our Lady Chocolate. (No candles please. )
Good luck in your battle to slay the sweet beast. I can have NO chocolate in the house. (Newish husband keeps a jar of Nutella in the nightstand, but alas, it is the only exception. )
Best,
Jeannie
LOL, Jeannie!!! I don't know which is more hilarious...the alter of Our Lady Chocolate, your newish husband (I want one of those!) or the fact that he keeps Nutella in the NIGHTSTAND! You made my night, sister!
Love your blog! Probably because I can relate . :( Good luck and I know I'll be lookng for that book.
Love the Robert Downey Jr. analogy. Lest we forget... "In 1996 RDJ was arrested in LA for possession of 97 different types of drugs and a handgun. The cops nailed him driving down Sunset, totally hammered, and totally naked. The man has done 16 months in jail and plenty of time in rehab. In 1999 he told a judge “It’s like I have a loaded gun in my mouth and my finger’s on the trigger, and I like the taste of the gunmetal.”
So, Elizabeth, look on the bright side. At least sugar isn't illegal and you don't have any mug shots from your sugar rampages, but if you like, I'd be happy to mock some up for you in photoshop.
Janet...you are too sweet! Only if you promise to go on the book tour with me. We'll get on of those luxury RV's like they have in Extreme Home Makeover. Doesn't that sound like so much fun?!?
Nancy...I'm comin' for the mugshots! Brilliant!!!