I'm sure my quote/unquote friends will try to deny it, but I'm gonna give it to you straight. The water park. Sheer terror. Please see the photo evidence below. Look at those innocent faces. You would never suspect they would force me against my will to risk life and limb.
But LOOK at that water slide, people! It was at least eight stories high. At least. And it was the first thing Kara and Nancy wanted to go on. Ok, the second thing. First we went into the wave pool. And I'm thinking, "This water park thing isn't going to be so bad." They were obviously lulling me into a false sense of security. Because as soon as my pruny toes stepped out of that wave pool, the bullying and peer pressure began. Peer pressure is more powerful than I thought. Because before I knew what was happening, I was climbing the eight stories to a ride called High Extreme. You know how I said I wouldn't go on anything that had the word "high" in its name? Yeah right. And the word "extreme" should have given me a clue.
Mind you, I asked almost everyone in line at the bottom of the stairs if they'd been on the slide, including the barely-7-year-old in front of me. Most of them had...and they looked relatively unscathed. One girl, someone I would have wanted to sit next to in the event of an aircraft emergency, actually described it as a "slow" slide with "no drops." She was a vicious liar.
But before we get to the terror that would change my life, character and childbearing potential, let's talk about the climb to the top. Eight stories. At least. On wet, see-thru concrete steps that swayed more and more the closer we got to the top. I started to hyperventilate on Step #187. I tried to run back down. But Kara and Nancy blocked my path.
So we FINALLY make it to the top. You have to wait on the stairs for a while, teetering on the edge, until it's your turn on one of two slides. As I'm standing there, I realize the only thing that prevents you from flying right over the side is a few sheets of fiberglass and centrifugal force. In one last attempt to calm my fears, I asked the lifeguard...a kid with a sweet face named Christian...if the slide was fast. He scoffed and assured me it was not. LIAR!
Have you ever seen Christmas Vacation? With Chevy Chase? When he sleds down the hill so fast he leaves sparks? Then you have a visual. I have no idea how Kara is faring on the slide next to me. But I'm rocketing headfirst into dizzying oblivion. PS...There were three...THREE...major drops. The kind that reacquaint your stomach with your throat. It was T-E-R-R-O-R. When we got to the bottom, I was shaking so hard I didn't even see Kara face plant off her slide. Or notice that my newly polished tootsies now had not a smidge of polish on.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010 at 06:51PM 
Reader Comments (2)
I'd been waiting for this follow-up! I was just dying to hear how your trip to the water park went! Sounds like you had a terrifyingly good time! At least, I hope you had some fun in there! I have a healthy fear of water and the one time we went to a water park, my husband dragged me on every ride! I was nervous and scared, but I love speed! So, I had lots of fun and was able to keep my fear at bay.
I think the way to do these things is to start with the small and easier rides, then work your way up!
Now, you can say you did it and move on, never to revisit this horrifying activity!
Well, I'm afraid it's quite apparent you did not grow up with a bullying big brother because what you would have learned are some key phrases like "NO!" and "Get your hands off me!" and "Bite me, butthead!" and, my personal favorite, "MOMMMMMM, [Insert bully's name here] is touching (poking, pinching, bugging, trying to talk me into rocketing to my death. Take your pick or insert your own) meeeeeee!!!!!!". And, of course, another great skill is that mean right hook you would have developed that, quite frankly,would still come in handy today :)
Oh, well, maybe in your next life you'll have the pleasure of defending yourself throughout childhood. For now, I'm just happy you survived and hopefully you got a nice tan out of it? Heck, and just think of all those calories that were burned by your knees knocking together and your teeth chattering like maracas! High five on that!