I haven't fallen off the face of the planet! Actually, I've started to write a new post...literally twice this week...and both times my MAC ate my homework. Last night, I was halfway through Attempt #2...a bitter blog post...when Kara called. I've got to stop multi-tasking when I talk to Kara. The last time I missed my exit on I-5 coming back from San Diego and ended up in the ghetto for 45 minutes. (Channeling Elvis)...In the ghettoooooo!
Anyway, 30 minutes into my conversation with the BFF, I went back to save my post embittered and realized I'd somehow closed the window. UGH!
Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was the universe telling me to stop being bitter. I was waxing sentimental about my youth. Not about how I used to walk a mile to school everyday. In the snow. Uphill both ways. But how easy it was for me to lose weight when I was 15.
Lemme first say this...I don't buy for one second that age has anything to do with metabolism or weight loss. I Zumba-ed with a woman in her late 50's last week who looked like someone had taken her head and attached it to a 20-year-old dancer's body. Seriously...if David Blaine had showed up, I would have been like "Heeeyyyyyy David Blaine, whatya doin' here with your street magic, yo?"
So if age has nothing to do with it, why was is so freakin' easy to drop it when I was in my blissful youth? I'll tell you why. I was 100% committed. More than committed...I was a teenage girl possessed. It was the first time I'd ever lost weight...and it just NEVER occurred to me that I wouldn't be successful. I worked out every.single.day. I never missed a workout...and sometimes did two. Sometimes that meant waking my 15-year-old self up at 4:30 in the morning. Plus I measured EVERYTHING that went in my mouth. And never cheated. Not even once. Not even with a stick of Juicy Fruit. The temptation wasn't even there. I remember making dozens of Nestle Tollhouse cookies for my driver's ed instructor. I figured if he could risk his life everyday, the least I could do is reciprocate with warm, gooey baked goods. I spent all day in the kitchen...just me, myself and a bowl of cookie dough. And didn't even lick the beaters.
At that moment in my life...it was effortless. I lost 50 pounds in five months...the fat was there one minute and pretty much gone the next. And every time I got on the scale, I knew I was going to see a number I was excited about. Sure enough...
It sure didn't feel like it at the time, but looking back, I had it pretty easy. My biggest worries were 1) making it through Beowulf and 2)trying to avoid the mean girls in P.E. I didn't have a job, a car payment, or a care in the world. And everyday at exactly 5:30, a mother who smelled like Nina Ricci and sounded like she could read books on tape for a living would magically appear and right every wrong. OMG...I had it so good. Nothing but hope and first kisses and my future in front of me. Of course losing weight was effortless...everything was.
That's it! THAT is what I wish for!!! A return to innocence. Maybe Enigma had the right idea. I'm going to start traipsing through life backwards...until I return to innocence. I really think it's possible (the innocence, not the backwards thing)...to rediscover the pure heart within yourself...the heart that has been untouched by doubt, or bitterness, or the weight of the world and all it's menial responsibility. The heart that hasn't absorbed any of the world's cynicism. The heart that is on FIYAH with possibility and hope and absolute certainty that the thing you want most is attainable. Remember that feeling? When the excitement almost crystallized in the air around you?
So...I'm shifting my focus. I know I said I was going to talk about stalking this post...and I will, next time...but this needed to be said. I'm going to find my effortless 15-year-old self again, people. Thank you, German-born-electronic-sythesized-musical-project! For reminding me.
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Reader Comments (1)
Great post. I don't think I really put together the ideas that I was successful at one time in my life because I never assumed I wouldn't be successful during those times. A few failures and negative influences and I've become certain I'll fail at everything I do. I've actually become quite the negative person myself, something I never was when I was proud of myself. It's time to get over that! It's hard, but it needs to be kept in mind. Thank you for making this connection making me see it!