My mom calls me while I'm getting my nails done on Thursday. And says "Guess what I'm doing?" I detect mischief in her voice.
"What?"
"I'm picking out funeral music on iTunes."
"What?!?"
My parents started estate planning a couple of months ago. What a nightmare. At first, the mere mention of it launched me into a Yiddish "PTOOEY PTOOEY" spitfest. We shan't talk of such things. It's bad mojo! "PTOOEY PTOOEY!!"
About a year ago, we had a distant in-law pass away. A mother of two grown women who'd planned her final arrangements with as much attention to detail as she had her life before. She'd planned everything...her funeral, the flowers, the music, the eulogy...she even wrote cards to her husband to be delivered on birthdays and holidays for years to come. All the family had to do, in essence, was show up to the service. I remember the look on my mother's face then. I should have known. The seed was planted.
Now, convinced that the grieving period is no time to mess around with the details of a funeral, my mom has launched into planning mode like a woman possessed. At first I was mortified. But now it's a bit like watching an I Love Lucy episode.
So when she called to tell me she was picking out funeral music...on iTunes...what could I say, really? First of all, I have to believe my mother may be the first person ever to search "Funeral" in the iTunes store. Secondly, everyone knows nobody plays funeral music at a funeral anymore. It's so last century.
Here's how the conversation went, basically:
"Why are you picking out funeral music?"
"Because this form that came with the life insurance has a spot for funeral music."
"You're kidding me."
"No, there are four blanks here."
"You mean like the request portion of Casey Kasem's American Top 40?"
"Exactly."
So yes, ladies and gentlemen...my mom and I are picking out four songs to be played at my parents' funerals. So far, I've come up with Happy Trails. The Roy and Dale version. We also came up with Willie Nelson singing On the Road Again. But my dad isn't a Willie Nelson fan. Sorry, Willie.
I wonder when I should tell my mom I'm having her stuffed. So I can take her with me everywhere!
PTOOEY PTOOEY!!
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Green Day !! Time of our Lives.