Things I could have done in 12 weeks: Lose 60 pounds (What? They do it on Biggest Loser!). Take up knitting. And construct matching full body sweaters for the Prius and Shih Tzu. Discover the answer to world peace. End world hunger. Learn the steps to Lord of the Dance. Roam the desert for 40 days looking for Jesus. Or a burning bush. Or at least the answer to all life's questions.
The truth is...I was sure I was going to change my life in the 12 weeks I was doing absolutely nothing. I envisioned working out four hours a day and drinking bright green macrobiotic smoothies. Instead, I've been sharing a blood supply with the sofa.
And I realized something. If you aren't ready to make a major life change, nothing is going to motivate you to do it. And if you are, nothing is going to keep you from it. But this is how it sounded in my head: "IF YOU AREN'T READY TO MAKE A MAJOR LIFE CHANGE, NOTHING IS GOING TO MOTIVATE YOU TO DO IT. AND IF YOU ARE, NOTHING IS GOING TO KEEP YOU FROM IT!!!"
Let's face it...you could be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company who sleeps 3 hours a night and make it to your fighting weight if your were really driven to do it. Really driven. And I have to say, although it was a bummer of massive proportions (see last post) to think I'd failed at accomplishing my goal by the end of summer vacay, it gives me hope to really grasp, for the first time, that when it clicks, it won't matter what hour or day or week or month it happens. Everything before that moment will just fade away.
Speaking of fighting weight, I ordered a punching bag. A big one. Not the lame water filled kind (I hope I'm not offending anyone). And not BOB...the "target torso" that looks a little like a half naked Lou Ferrigno. If I put that thing on my outside patio the neighbors would call 911 before Round 1 was over. No, I ordered what I thought was going to be a simple but professional and lifetime guaranteed 100 pound hanging bag. With stand. Only, when the scary guys with the big necks delivered it...it was HUGE. And now HAS to sit on my patio because it will not fit anywhere in my apartment.
Did I mention I took muay thai kickboxing for five years before moving to California? Lemme tell you. It is liberating to beat the you-know-what outta something. I haven't christened it yet (Maybe you can help me name it?). I'm waiting for Kara to get here first. She's coming tomorrow! From New York New York!
So besides beating the you-know-what out of a yet-to-be named bag, the tenured-librarian-and-head-of-the-science-library-at-a-prestigious-university and I are doing what every educated woman in her 30's loves to do. We're going to a water park!
That's right...in less than 48 hours...we're heading to Raging Waters. With my other partner-in-crime who often makes guest appearances in the blog...Nancy. The last time I went to a water park, I ended up beaching myself in front of 150 people on a racing slide called the Kamakazi. More on that later. Here's hoping this experience will be less traumatic. Kara has already declared she won't go out until I've held her upside down and dipped her in a vat of sunscreen. And I'm telling you now...I am NOT going on anything described on a sign as "high," terrifying," "thrilling," (codeword for terrifying) or anything that involves me attaching a bungee cord to myself. It's the lazy river and the Kamakazi, take 2, for me.
My lobster self and I will be back to tell you every embarrassing detail..mine and theirs. Stay tuned!
And PS...thanks for the BEST cookie-dough-eating pity party I've ever had! You all rock for sharing your hearts and stories with me. MWAH!