I'm getting braces.
Remember when I was convinced my middle toe was growing exponentially longer than the others and was looking into plastic toe surgery? Well, I've moved on. Literally, from toe to head. Or teeth, to be more specific.
I may have been the chubbiest kid in my class growing up but I always had three things going for me...great skin, commercial quality hair and perfectly straight teeth (sans braces). I wore glasses the size of Mr. Magoo, mind you, but only until 9th grade...when I shed the glasses and 50 pounds for my first pair of contacts and my first boyfriend. The contacts worked out better.
Now, I'm getting braces. There really is a reason. It's not like the middle toe delusions. Even though I had all my wisdom teeth removed in high school, it looks like my teeth are starting to shift a little bit. Not enough for most people to notice. But I notice. And there just comes a time in every woman's life, I suppose, when she feels the need to hang on to her youth. You know what I mean? I'm at the point where the weight is starting to come off again...this time, for the right reasons...and I just want the skin, hair and teeth to go with the up and coming body.
Nancy said I can kiss dating goodbye for the next 12-18 months. PRIME dating years, she was quick to point out. She was kidding, of course. But I figure one of two things is going to happen. I'm going to look 15 years younger and adorable and have more dates than ever. OR I'm going to be a happily single 37-year-old women with very straight teeth to look forward to.
In any event, it doesn't matter much because I found out the most wonderful news. Did you read that Tim Gunn has been celibate (happily so) for over 20 years?!? Lemme just say, I would drink Tim Gunn's bath water I love him so much. If he can do it, so can I!
In the meantime, I have the first orthodontist appointment...of my life...a week from Thursday. This is where they take your x-rays, impressions, before photos and talk to you about bizarre things like some kind of wax you put in your mouth and how you shouldn't make out with anyone else who has braces or you'll get stuck together. Then, my brackets...ohhh, I'm giddy just saying "brackets'...go on November 1st. And THEN, a week later, I guess they put the wires on. By mid-November, I'll be a metal mouth.
Anyone else out there had braces? Or gotten stuck together?